Too many weeks, knowing that I have had a bad week, I have not weighed myself, starving myself for days and THEN jumping on the scales. Wow.....that took guts to write down. Looking at it, I know that is wrong, but that is what I did, hoping the scales would show the magical number that wouldn't make me cry. I need to change the way I think about food, exercise and myself.
About a year ago, a bit more really, I had it. I was a healthy weight. I had trained myself to think of food as fuel and not overindulge. But, my world turned upside down when I left my husband, and then compounded about six months later when I had another small crisis, one that has left my soul so scarred that I don't think that I will ever heal.
I think after that event the weight started to pile on. For a while I stopped caring, retreated into myself and allowed myself to go backwards. And I feel like I have been pushing shit uphill ever since.
I am at the point where I am borderline obese. People laugh when I say that.....I don't look obese, just a little chubby! Well, facing facts, I am, and even if I am socially acceptable, my weight is not healthy.
The point of blogging is kinda like keeping a journal, or a food diary. Except I seem to be better at blogging than at actually keeping a diary! So, I am going to do a coupleof things to help heal my heart and help me be healthy again.
These are my goals:
Today:
- I am going to make myself a healthy lunch and take it and eat it.
- I am going to go to the chemist and make an appointment with the Xndo lady to measue me and weigh me
- I am going to go to the gym and do an hour of exercise
- I am going to enquire for the gyms biggest loser competition and run the idea of missing Thursday night rehearsals past the director of the show I am in
- I am going to be in a happy mood all day.
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